is Jesus worth it?

This question was asked by my supervisor while serving in Kenya last semester. One of our first meetings he asked this question. And to be honest I never really took it to heart and contemplated the question and answered it. But of course every Christian would say “yes, He is worth it.” But really stop and think for a minute. Is He REALLY worth it? Does your life display that you think Jesus is worth it. Is he worth giving up somethings, worth going through hard times and not giving knowing He has brought you to the rough situation. Lately I have realized myself really contemplating this question. My personal opinion is YES. He is worth every bit of me. Everything I do HE is worth it. When I felt the Lord calling me to Africa I could have said no. So much of me wanted to stay here in my comfort zone, not leave my family, my boyfriend at the time, not take a semester off and many other things. But instead I chose to step out on faith and GO. In no way am I trying to “show off” or “one up” anyone. Im using my Africa trip to fully explain whats on my heart. So as I am going into a new chapter of life my heart so desperately says yes He is worth it. But so much about this new chapter scares the mess out of me and has me contemplating this question. But still I choose to say yes. 

 

Here is lyrics from a song that has really been on my heart lately. 

“I’m saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I’ll leave myself behind
And follow You

I’ll walk the narrow road
’cause it leads me to You
I’ll fall but grace 
Will pick me up again

I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost
And You are worth it

I do not need safety
As much as I need You
You’re dangerous
But Lord You’re beautiful

I’ll chase You through the pain
I’ll carry my cross
’cause real love
Is not afraid to bleed

Jesus 
Take my all
Take my everything

I’ve counted up the cost
And You’re worth everything.”

this crazy ride called ife

Where to begin? Well on July 19, 2014 I get to begin my forever with Ryan. Its official. I get to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful man. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with him. I feel so underserving on a daily basis but I am so thankful. The Lord brought me out of the most ugly wretched sin to the most beautiful story of love and grace. I am so thankful for a man after His own heart. We are so blessed and excited to begin this new journey the Lord has brought us to! By the way, in case you were wondering planning a wedding may be the best thing EVER. Ok, maybe only because I have the most awesome wedding planner. The one and only Lauren Crews. So thankful for her and her love for weddings. Couldn’t do it without her.

We will not NEVER understand the depth of our salvation, until we understand the depth of our sin. I had the privilege of going to camp with our youth last week as a chaperone. I was so excited to go. I have now been a camper, a staffer, and an adult attending some form of lifeway camp. Anyway, I walked away from it moved, challenged and convicted. I am thankful the Lord allowed me to go and take so much away from it. Our youth group came together in a way like never before. The Lord changed and convicted so many hearts.

College. I have been out for almost 9 months now. Do I want to go back to school? No. Do I want to move back to Graceville to be with Ryan and friends all the time? Of course. I am SO nervous to get back into the routine of classes and studying. But I never thought one heart could miss the little one red light town of Graceville so much. I am so excited to get back in only just a few short weeks.

Africa. Do I still think about it? Yes. Do I still miss it? Some ALL the time. Lately every time I think about missions, or Africa my heart wanders to India and China. Why these two countries you ask, I have NO idea. But I do know I have committed to praying for them and asking God why he has laid them both on my heart lately. Do I feel called to a career of overseas missions? No. Do I feel called to missions? Yes, everyone is called to missions its just a matter of where that makes each of our callings different. I can definitely see myself going back for a week or two somewhere. Just praying for the Lord to lead my anxious little heart.

I want to leave you guys with this: “The very first sin was followed by the very first example of sin being covered by Christ’s blood.” And us as humans some times think were not good enough…

life back in America..

Yesterday marked a month since I have been back in America. Oh how joyous it is to be home with my family, Ryan, and friends. But to say transition has been difficult is an understatement. Most days I find myself angry at American culture, and missing Kenya more than words can express. I often find myself looking around and wondering how I made it to this point in this journey. Although I do not have the answers to why the Lord brought me home so early I am thankful for His plan and provision. He has been showing up and showing off in my life these past few days. I couldn’t be more thankful for the way He is using this experience to use and grow me being back home. I have been knocked down to my lowest since I have been home but the Lord has brought me back up and is slowly but surely mending my life back together in the way He sees fit.

Every since before I left Kenya my stress has been a job. I knew in due time He would provide. Unfortunately It didn’t work out the way I planned but fortunately it turned out exactly as He had planned all along. So a month after being home I can now say I am employed! Not with just one job, or two jobs, but with THREE jobs! That all the separate hours work with each other making all three possible. And for this I am beyond thankful. So as I begin work tomorrow I have never been so excited to start a new job. I am so thankful for the way my parents have been so supportive and taking care of me this last month but thankful He is providing.

Levi. You had to of known he was gonna get talked about in this blog 😉 My heart misses him daily. My heart misses all of those sweet orphan babies. But im praising Him 2 of our “favorite” boys have now been adopted since I have left. And that is my prayer for little Levi. Everyday I pray that the Lord will soon provide parents for Levi. Not just parents but I pray that He will give Levi parents who love the Lord with everything they have and will commit to raising Levi up to know what it means to truly follow Jesus. I pray they are not fans of Jesus, I pray that they are fully 100% sold out followers of Jesus. If there is anything left I can do for Levi it is to pray for him.

I want to talk about the team I left behind in Kenya. Goodbye was not easy for me. If you have been keeping up with this blog since the beginning or know me even in the slightest you know that goodbye is one of the hardest thing for me to do. So with only having 3 days to prepare to come back to the states and by the time it really sank in they were dropping me off at the airport. Oh what great memories we made the 3 1/2 months. And they only continued to be made until the second we said goodbye. The trip from our compound to the airport is only about 45 minutes, but for us that night it took around 2 or more hours. Yes, we got lost. Yes, I was crying I was so stressed out. I couldn’t miss my flight. But somehow in the mean time we still found ways to laugh and joke around with each other. Those girls always had a way of making me smile, laugh, and just completely change my attitude in the times I needed them the most. So as I write this my 3 other teammates are preparing to say goodbye. In 5 short days they will leave Kenya and head to South Africa for a few days of debrief and then their gonna endure the long plane ride back to America. My prayer for my teammates is that they finish strong, live each last day to the fullest, leave everything they have on the field, and that they transition back as smoothly as possible.

I have finally been able to sit down and write this blog. I have avoided it for so long. But as I sit here and type this the tears are falling. If I could go back there as so many things I would have done different. But through every little thing the Lord taught me so much. And is still continuing to teach me things now being back in the states. Now more than ever He has shown me this life isn’t anything about what I want but only about what He wants. And the second I think I have it all figured out He changes everything. I never thought I would be living with my parents again. After moving out 2 years ago and coming back home is tough stuff. But the Lord is giving me a love for my parents I thought I never could have. I have a whole new attitude and appreciation for them. This summer as I stay home and an hour from where I want be I look forward to moving back to school in August.

Thank you to all who financially supported me, prayed for me, and for all of your sweet loving words of encouragement. Thank you could never say enough.

 

america bound…

The title of the this post says it all. Things have gotten a little crazy around here. As most of you know I was supposed to return back to the states on June 1st. Well at the beginning of March I decided I was going to come home a little early and surprise my little sister Hayley and be home for her graduation. So when I changed in March I was supposed to be home May 14th. Which was only like 2 1/2 weeks early. But little did I know the Lord had different plans. Yesterday I was informed that I will be back in America early next week. As I write this I am looking at my belongings that are beginning to pile up to be packed. My heart is so overwhelmed. I prepared myself to say bye 3 weeks from now not 3 days for now. Am I excited to return home? Of course. Am I sad to be leaving? Yes. This time in Africa has not been so easy for me. But the Lord has stretched me, taught me so many things, and revealed himself to me in a mighty mighty way. 

The reason behind this early departure back to America is because my tourist visa of 90 days expires Tuesday to stay in Kenya. So its just not logical nor does it make sense to go through the huge hassle and pay the money to get a new one just to stay 2 1/2 more weeks once it expires. So this early homecoming is not because I choose this its saving the company money and its strictly strategic. 

So as I am closing up this chapter of life in Kenya, Africa all I can think to say is how thankful I am that I was given the opportunity to experience everything that I have experienced. Just some of the things I am thankful for: My supervisor Chris and his wife Jamie and their 5 children. They have given up so much time and really poured into me and my team. They have been such a blessing. My team. My hands on team and the 2 journey girls that have so graciously accepted us and loved us. Kasey, is a wonderful roommate and brings SO many laughs. Brindley, has the best words of encouragement. Amy, Jesus reveals himself to me through her humility. Emily, is someone I can just be real with and a wonderful housemate. Ester, her heart for the Kenyans challenges me to love everyone. There are many other things that I can list. 

So as I spend my last 2 days here in Africa im thankful.

life. digo land.

First of all today marks 3 months exactly since Ryan dropped me at the airport! Crazy how time has flown!

Whew. What a whirlwind the past two weeks have been. From prayer retreat to vacation to Digo land mission trip! Whew. To say I’m excited I’m finally back in Nairobi is an understatement! The Indian Ocean is beautiful but not the same as home. And spending two weeks on the beach made me just a tad little but ok, very sick of it! But The Lord did some amazing things through our team and students.

Wednesday. What a wonderful that I will NEVER forget. We were in a village going house to house sharing the Gospel when we went to one house this man named Jackson asked us to follow him to his house because his family needed us. We didn’t know what he meant by that but we of course followed. As we walked up we saw 5 children who were very little and looked very malnourished. My heart instantly broke. Then the mother came out of the “house” with a 6th baby strapped to her back. All of these children were 10 and under. The mother could not speak. Jackson began explaining that the night before his wife had experienced some spiritual warfare and was having almost like seizures and screaming for hours. Saying someone was telling her to hang herself. So through all the screaming she lost her voice. He asked me to pray for her. So of course I did. I prayed for everything that she was going through and that she would be able to talk again. And the second I said amen she said “Asante sana” which means thank you in Swahili. My jaw dropped. I had just experienced a miracle. I have read about them in the Bible but to experience it firsthand was just astounding! My God is the ultimate healer.

Thursday we moved urban into the city of Mombossa. We were street evangelizing with mostly Muslims. Me and my partner had the opportunity to share the Gospel with 21 people that day. None accepted. But 21 seeds were planted. We were asked to leave a few places and turned down because of what we wanted to share but it’s ok, my God was faithful in providing opportunities!

So all in all The Lord moved in a mighty way through our team and the students! We are now back in Nairobi!

Prayer requests:

That me and my hands on team of 4 would finish strong! Our time of ending is drawing near.

That The Lord will open up a job for me. I am in need of a job as soon as I return! If you know of anything let me know, please!

Special request: Ryan’s mother Sharon was just diagnosed with breast cancer. This family is SO dear to my heart. And I’m praying knowing HE is powerful enough to work a miracle. Just please be praying over this whole situation.

Thanks everyone! Love y’all!

It’s already April? Today is a special day.

The most important woman in my life was born on this day 41 years ago. Without my mother I have no idea where I would be. She has been the most influential person in my life. Her heart for the Lord grows more everyday. I’m so thankful for her. She has raised me and taught me so much. I’m so thankful for her support and love even half a world away from each other! I miss her dearly and wish I could be with her today but I know soon and very soon we will be together again! Have a wonderful day! 🙂

Anyway, Africa. Today we finished prayer retreat on the coast now begins vacation until the 8th. The beach is beautiful. But honestly I get enough of it in Florida. Haha. But it’s been wonderful to just relax and spend time in the Word and with Him. Our first mission trip with students is starting Monday. We are so excited and anxious to see The Lord move in mighty ways! South coast is…. HOT!!! The first day I practically bathed in sunscreen and still got so burnt I am just now able to turn my knock again! Craziness. Sun on the equator is no joke! By the way if you ever have bad sunburn vinegar mixed with water and rubbed on the sunburn works miracles! It’s amazing.

It’s April? Really? WOW! Time is going by SO fast. I can hardly believe it! It’s so crazy. Can you believe that almost 3 months ago I stepped on a plane to come here? Doesn’t seem like that long ago! But looking back it’s amazing to see the way the Lord has stretched and grown me! The things He has taught me could not of been done in America!

Anyway, that’s enough for now. Sitting outside listening to the waves crash on the shore and getting very tired! Thanks for your constant prayers for me and my team! They mean so much more than you could ever know!

life lately.

Life. Well not just any average American life. Full blown life living in Africa. Everything seems like chaos right now. The amount of time left blows my mind. And knowing that Monday me and my team leave for the coast until the 13th of April . Then back in Nairobi for a week and in Pokot aka desert for a week. Then April is over. I can hardly believe how fast time has flown! It’s crazy. Exciting but sad. My team has become family and I have grown to love certain things and people here in Kenya. But I’m going home to so many exciting things!

Life here seems to be a whirlwind lately. All my days seeming as one lately. I can hardly keep up with the days. But as my days are combining The Lord is stretching me. And growing me more than words can express. I’m not the same person I was. I’m coming back to America a totally different person!

Levi. What do I even say? Ohmy goodness. My heart is attached. He now calls me “mama” and says “I love you”. Everytime I walk through the gate he runs to me arms wide open. How will I ever leave him? I have no idea!

Prayer requests: as I already mentioned me and my team are leaving Monday for 13 days. Going to the south coast of Kenya. The 1-4 we will be having a prayer retreat the 5-7 mini vacation and the 8-13 doing a mission trip with some Kenyans we have been discipling to Digo land. Pray for safety, details, and for The Lord to do huge things. Also, the 21-26th we will be in Pokot land, camping. Taking some Kenyans as well to a mission trip. Pray for the same things! Also, that we will have open minds to anything given us to eat or drink. And pray for my team. All of us. But in specific my hands on team of 4 that are here for the semester! For me be praying for my heart for these trips and the strength to finish strong! Thanks everyone!

Random shenanagins.

February 24th? Really. Where has this month gone? I feel like the days seem long but in the grand scheme of things time is flying by. It’s almost march? Whatttt? Crazyness. I can’t believe it. My heart rejoices but hurts at how fast time is flying.

Elections. The major thing happening right now. March 4th is the Kenyan elections. And in the past they get violent. (No worries were safe on our compound) but for the week of elections we are stocking up and planning to stay on the compound all week. So prayers for this are NEEDED. Pray for Godly leaders, and a safe easy election.

April. The month that terrifies the mess outta me. Me and my team are going on a few mission trips in April. We are taking Kenyans to the coast of Kenya and to the desert of Kenya. The coast we will witnessing and working with the Digo. The desert we will be witnessing and working with the Pokot. The desert trip is going to be interesting….. We will be sleeping in tents, using the restrooms in bushes, hiking mountains, dodging cobras and every other kind of snake, drinking camels milk, and most importantly witnessing to the Pokot people who worship animism. So prayers for us and hearts to be changed are NEEDED.

Right now we are meeting every Thursday with a great group of girls and doing a Bible study. It’s been a great time to get together and study The Word and create amazing friendships that will last a lifetime.

Thanks for your prayers and support!

The story of 3 year old, Levi.

This morning I woke up very sad. More like depressed actually. These last two days I have been missing America, home, & You like crazy. So I spent some much needed time journaling and digging into James when I woke up. But not long after that me and my roommate began our journey to a children’s home we are getting plugged into. It’s about a two mile walk there & a two mile walk back. When we got there we noticed that the kids weren’t in school today. So we went in talked to the owner and they had an off day today. So I got so excited knowing we would get to spend our few hours there with kids this time. Usually we just help prepare lunch in the kitchen or something. So we walked outside and this little boy Levi came up to me. With the biggest white smile I have ever seen. He came up to me and grabbed my leg and looked up at me with the most pidiful face like he wanted to be picked up. So I did of course. I just couldn’t resist. When I did he gave me the biggest hug and kissed me on the cheek. Right then and there a few tears streamed down my face. It was almost as if the Lord had hugged me and whispered “Kayla, you can do this. I am your strength. Rely on Me. This is only temporary” Levi reminded me of why I’m here and gave me the uplifting that I needed. His hug and cheek kiss was exactly what I needed to make it through this day. Just when I feel like I’m falling apart The Lord uses a 3 year old to uplift me in the most amazing way.

So the purpose of this blog is to remind anyone who is having a hard day to look into the small things. Something as small as a 3 year old could completely turn your day around.

My heart, my struggles, my joy, Africa.

Today marks 4 weeks. Can you believe it’s been 4 weeks today since Ryan dropped me off at the airport in Panama City? Crazy huh? Yeah! So crazy. These past 4 weeks have been some of the most difficult, amazing, and spiritually growing weeks of my life. Literally. The Lord has rocked my world. In an amazing way. If you know me at all you know just how stubborn and hard headed I am. So for me it’s been rather difficult to surrender some things. He has brought me 100% out of my comfort zone and turned me upside down. And it’s only been 4 weeks. With 3 months left I can’t begin to imagine what’s in store.

This past week. I was struggling. Major. Ok, so I don’t care that everyone knows. I almost gave up and came home. Like we were looking at flights back to America. The first one we could purchase we were going to. Until, my mother. My sweet sweet mother who is by the way the most Godly woman I know decided to tell me how she felt about me leaving early. She wasn’t very happy. So this whole time I was praying for The Lord to just show me what He wanted. Because I could not for the life of me find joy or excitement in being here. And of course He wouldn’t have brought me to Africa if He didn’t want me here. But me being human and Kayla was struggling so hard with the fact of giving in and being like “ok, I’m here in Africa. For 3 more months. I will never have an opportunity like this again. Suck up missing America. And deal with it.” This was such a hard struggle for me. I didn’t want to accept the fact that The Lord had brought me here for this semester. So after my mother gave me some advice. I decided to stay. So 4 weeks in and I am just now actually fully surrendering to the thought of being here for 3 more months. Crazy? Yes. But through the past 4 weeks and through my struggle and doubt The Lord has taught me so much that I probably would not have learned if it wasn’t for the hardship. I would cry myself to sleep every night. Wishing for home. But I began to really cling to 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. And quickly realized I was making this trip about me. Not about what The Lord wanted to do in and through me. So as I lay on my bed typing this now I am so excited to say I’m here. I have finally arrived. I am fully 100% here. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. 4 weeks in and I am just now getting here. But that’s ok. Cause through this The Lord has rocked my world. For the better.

But onto other great things! The Lord has given me and my friends an amazing witnessing/discipling opportunity. I don’t wanna give specifics just yet but were meeting with this girl Tuesday. And it’s a pretty major thing. So prayers are greatly appreciated. Also, we have been able to go to a few orphanages/children’s homes. And be praying that through all of this The Lord will clearly show me what my major needs to be. I’m stuck between social work and elementary education. Side note: African children are SO precious. I wanna bring one home. But for some odd reason I don’t think I could make it past customs. Haha.

Ohmygoodness! Yesterday me and some of my team went to this glass factory. (pics on fb) but we were able to walk this rope bridge. In between two huge cliffs. Probably the most adventurous thing I have ever done. While walking the back of my Chaco got stuck in a little bit of the wire. I seriously thought I was gonna fall. Ok, so maybe I had something to hold onto but we were so high up I thought I was gonna die. One of my teammates decided to yell “it’s ok if you fall you get to meet Jesus.” Which Is true. But I wanna get married and have a family. Also, two girls on my team play softball. So they have been playing for a local university. So I have been able to tag along and watch practices and games. And all I’m gonna say is African softball is nothing like American softball. They make up rules as they go. It’s very frustrating but funny at the same time.

Today. Oh today. First, church here starts crazy early. So I was up at 6 and at church by 7. So I was exhausted. And me and my roommate were locked out of our house. Or we couldn’t figure out how to get in. So our supervisor had to come do it. After an hour and a half of trying to get in. Then I went to open the door of my bedroom and my true love waits ring got caught on the handle, which jerked me back, broke the ring, and jammed my finger. My finger was so swollen I couldn’t get the ring off so after a half hour of ice I was able to pull the ring off and now it’s blue and has a knot. It hurts. But it’s kinda funny now to look back at it. Although, at the time I was crying to my roommate telling her my finger was broken. Lets be honest, I cried like a baby.

Anyway, this is enough for now. You know my heart, my struggles, and my needs. Please be in prayer for me, my team, and the Kenyans here. The elections are coming up at beginning of march and they tend to get very violent. So be praying for that and for Godly leaders to step up and that revival would begin in this country. There are so many different religions. It’s crazy to see. I mean at BCF we take worldview and yeah you may pass the class but sorry to tell ya you don’t know much of anything until you experience it first hand. That is all for now.